As a society, we used to be hung up on sex. Sex was a mark of
how successful we were as human beings; it defined the way we dressed
and how we were portrayed (think of the alpha-female, sexual-predator
type of woman in car adverts). But as if to confirm that this chapter
is coming to an end, a growing number of people have completely opted
out of the sexual arena. There is a small but increasingly vocal
minority of men and women who have never wanted to have sex with
anyone. Researchers have only recently noticed a previously overlooked
nugget in a 1994 survey of Britain’s sexual habits. Of the 8,000
people surveyed, 1% claimed they had never felt sexually attracted to
anyone — in the UK as a whole, that amounts to about half a million
people.
These people are now so open about what they describe as their
asexuality, that there is even a website (www.asexuality.org)
devoted to them, with a forum in which they cheerfully discuss their
lack of desire and their irritation at the view that they must all be
sick, lonely or desperate. They include women such as Paula Kripps,
who is fit, healthy and in her thirties. “I have a nonexistent sex
drive,” she says. “I have no physical or mental illness. I’ve
just never been interested in sex. But that doesn’t mean I need a
cure or a treatment — as far as I’m concerned, I’m normal.”
But can a nonexistent sex drive be described as totally normal?
After all, isn’t sex a biological imperative, like eating? “Sex
drive is a very variable thing,” says the psychologist Phillip
Hodson. “There are a few utterly normal folk who never want much —
if any — sex, and also a few utterly normal folk who want sex 15
times a day. Most of the rest fall somewhere between the two.”
However, asexuality doesn’t necessarily mean having no sex drive.
The
Asexual Visibility and Education Network (Aven) defines
asexuals as those who never feel the desire to commit to having sex
with others. While some never experience sexual desire at all, others
feel aroused from time to time — sometimes to their irritation —
but simply don’t want to have sex with other people.
This does not mean that they are lifelong loners or virgins. Plenty
of asexuals lead “normal” lives, and have relationships, happy
marriages and even children. Anne Hooper, an author and sex and
marital therapist, describes one such asexual woman she encountered:
“She was happily married and was a wonderful mother to her children,
but she simply did not have any sexual desire. Even vibrators and sex
therapy had no effect.”
So what makes someone asexual? The researcher who first noticed the
existence of this group of people is Professor Anthony F Bogaert, who
specialises in research into sexual behaviour. He discovered factors
that make asexuality more likely. He found that the biggest single
factor was gender — women are more than twice as likely to be
asexual as men. Poor health was another. Asexual women also started
puberty later and were more likely to be religious than sexual women.
If you’re confused, don’t worry. Even Bogaert could only
conclude: “The results suggest that a number of pathways, both
biological and psychosocial, contribute to the development of
asexuality.”
Of course, some asexuals do have a physical or mental illness.
There is evidence that schizophrenia and depression can wipe out
desire, and sex phobias can also affect libido. One contributor to the
website says just hearing people talk about sex makes her physically
sick.
Sexual-aversion disorder (an intense dislike of sex) is another
problem, which can affect people who suffer from panic attacks. Louise
Fenton is one of them. “I was asked by a healthcare professional
earlier in the year if I had had any sexual experiences or
relationships,” she says. “When I answered ‘No’, he looked at
me in disbelief and said, ‘What, not even kissing?’ I replied I
couldn’t see the attraction of having someone else’s slobber all
over my face.”
Several members of Aven describe themselves as having Asperger’s
syndrome, a mild form of autism. Asperger’s can be associated with
sensory problems that make being touched seem intrusive or
intolerable.
There are various physical causes of asexuality, including
illnesses such as multiple sclerosis. According to Hooper, naturally
low testosterone levels can also be a cause, particularly in men.
In women, however, the picture is more complicated. Hooper says
that, even among those with a normal hormone profile, between 8% and
12% find it very difficult, if not impossible, to feel aroused.
“Even if they do feel slightly sexual,” she says, “they can’t
reach orgasm, so they aren’t very motivated to seek out a sexual
relationship. For some of these women, testosterone therapy seems to
increase desire, arousal and orgasm, but in others, it has no
effect.”
Hooper points to research by the Kinsey Institute in America, which
suggests that there are specific brain centres that control sex drive:
an exciter centre, which permits arousal, and an inhibitor, which
keeps it under control. “It may be that for some women, there is
more than one inhibitor, or that it may be overactive,” she says.
So what can these women do? “There are drugs that seem to work on
suppressing the inhibitor centres, allowing the brain to process
sexual sensation,” says Hooper. However, few women are ever
diagnosed with an overactive inhibitor, let alone given treatment. And
as Fiona Henley, a 40-year-old married mother of three, admits,
asexuals don’t necessarily want treatment anyway.
“I could quite happily live the rest of my life without sex,”
she says. “I think there have been millions of marriages like mine
through history, but it’s only recently that women have been
expected to be wives, mothers, have a great job and be sex goddesses,
too.” For now, Henley feels her lack of sex drive is something to
keep quiet about.
But that could all be changing. What is different about the new
breed of asexuals is that they are proud to say they are indifferent
to sex. And by defining asexuality not as a disorder but simply
another form of sexuality — alongside heterosexuality and
homosexuality — they are stating they are positively glad to be A.
Source by Leah Hardy, December 12, 2005 - Times
Newspapers Ltd © 2005
