| Twenty-five-year-old
Mark Hoemmen doesnt want to have sex.
He doesn't go on dates. He has never even kissed a girl.
And that's how he wants to keep it.
I'm not into saliva exchange, he said.
The UC Berkeley graduate student may be attracted to
women, but he doesn't like sex. If a woman comes on to him,
he actually feels a little turned off.
Hoemmen is one of the 5,300 members of the Asexual
Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), an online asexual
community that is growing. Members of the community say they
just don't want to have sex.
On Saturday, Hoemmen and AVENs creator, David Jay, met
with other asexuals from the Bay Area for a hike and picnic.
Hoemmen wants asexuals to feel less alone and have a
supportive social network.
Jay, 23, started AVEN in 2001 to promote public awareness
and provide a place for asexuals to talk about their
experiences. AVEN members can post on discussion boards and
write about their perspectives. The site encourages asexuals
to use AVEN as a tool when educating family and friends.
Just as people use terms like straight, gay and bi, Jay
and his community identify with the term asexual. To promote
asexual pride, AVEN also sells asexual T-shirts with slogans
like Asexuality: Its not just for amoebas anymore, and No
sex, please! Coming out to family and friends carries the
same anxieties and fears as someone who is gay may feel.
When Jay was 14, his friends began to be interested in
sex.
I didn't get what the big deal was. I sat around thinking
I was a late bloomer. As a kid I was taught sexuality is
this big scary thing — it would take your life, rip it to
shreds and take it to the wind, he said. I waited and waited
around, but nothing was happening, so I began to think about
what I am.
Although he had questions about what he felt and where he
fit into society, he never questioned his lack of interest
in sex. Jay said he doesn't need to have sex to know that he's
not interested in it.
Sexual people dont have to have sex in order to know that
they're sexual, he said. Thirteen-year-olds don't need to
have sex to know they want it.
According to AVEN, each asexual will have a different
experience with sexuality. Some experience physical arousal
and may masturbate, but do not connect it
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