Baby, when I think about you, I think about l-o-o-ve." So begins
the hoary ballad by Bad Company, a British band whose "Feel Like
Makin' Love" has been a sleazy anthem for the horny masses since
1975. But what if you think about other people and feel like making
lunch? There is a minority group out there that has absolutely no
interest affirming love by exchanging bodily fluids. Coalescing on the
Internet, this small but increasingly vocal faction claims to be
perfectly healthy and happy not to be getting any.
These self-described asexuals are "announcing to the world
that they are not broken or defective, or sexually dysfunctional"
writes Sylvia
Pagan Westphal in New Scientist (Oct. 16, 2004). They are
simply "100 percent uninterested in sex." Unlike celibates,
who choose to abstain from intercourse even if they are physically
attracted to another person, asexuals claim to not be aroused by
either gender at any time.
The newly organized drive to bring asexuality out of the closet is
taking a lead from the gay liberation movement, according to the Asexuality
Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). Like the gay, lesbian,
bisexual, and transgender community, AVEN strives to offer asexuals a
sense of belonging without infringing on their diverse senses of
identity. For instance, some people identify as both gay and asexual,
some masturbate (albeit without fantasizing about a specific person),
while others enter sexual relationships as a way to express romantic
or emotional attraction (but not to satisfy a sex drive). Many
asexuals describe "romance drives," or the need to be
intimate, but not sexual, with another person.
One of the challenges asexuals face is convincing the rest of the
sex-crazed world that they really aren't interested. "Most people
find that at some point or another they want to get it on with another
person," writes Punk Planet sex columnist Sex Lady
(Jan./Feb. 2005), "and to fall outside of that huge mainstream
can be difficult." Asexuals argue that underreported studies have
shown asexual activity in certain animal populations, and a recent
human survey in the United Kingdom found that 1 percent of respondents
had "never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all." While
there's been virtually no research on the genetic origins of
asexuality, John DeLamater, a human sexuality expert at the University
of Wisconsin at Madison, says that categorizing a percentage of the
population as predisposed to sexual inactivity might be novel
"but it's not unreasonable."
Sex Lady admits initially thinking that asexuals are
"latent queers or abuse survivors who are horrified by the
prospect of sexual contact," since a lack of sexual desire is
often the result of physical or emotional trauma. While she still
believes there are a number of folks who fall into this category (and
someone who is sexless and unhappy should seek medical help), Sex Lady
is now convinced that asexuality is more than a state of mind. It's
"not just that they have no interest in their unkempt, lazy-ass
lover of 20 years," she writes. They have "a complete lack
of desire for any kind of sexual contact."
As the asexuality movement gains momentum, more asexuals are out
and proud. AVEN founder David Jay, 22, works hard to raise awareness
by giving talks, networking, and getting the topic in the media. He
believes a true movement is under way. Indeed, asexuals are discussing
what it means to be A-sexy and have A-pride. And as all effective
movements eventually do, AVEN has a newly minted slogan T-shirt
available on its Web site (www.asexuality.org):
"Asexuality: It's not just for amoebas anymore."
Source by Laine Bergeson, March / April 2005 - Utne
magazine ©2005
