It's always a shock when you actually meet "one of
them". One of those strange misfits who, unlike everyone else in
modern society, is not completely obsessed with sex. They ask you back
for coffee, but when you get into the flat they offer you filter or
decaff. So you wink and say: "So what about these etchings you
were going to show me? Eh? Eh?" and they slip out and return five
minutes later with their portfolio.
It's disgusting, it really is, and far more widespread than you'd
imagine. You know those little cards in the newsagent's window?
They're not advertising what you think at all! No, you ring the number
that promises French lessons, and they explain yes, they can do GCSE
and A-level French or just beginner's conversation. Or you go round to
the dingy flat that promised "large chest for sale", and
they show you a big piece of furniture you can buy.
The shocking truth is that asexuality is on the rise. This week's New
Scientist reports that growing numbers of people are coming
out of the closet and proudly declaring that they are simply not that
bothered about sex. Even the Sun gave the story a few column inches,
adding: "And here's a photo of a naked lady that asexuals would
have no interest in whatsoever."
Forums such as the Asexual
Visibility and Education Network (Aven) are urging their members
to be more vocal, as asexual chatrooms spring up on the internet
(although dirty old men can get special software to block these sites
out). In a society that is so completely dominated by sexual imagery
and suggestion, most of us would find this idea completely repellent.
I mean, what they don't do in the privacy of their own homes is their
own business, but why do they have to flaunt it so?
Some of these more obscure websites are pretty graphic. There are
ladies with their eyes blacked out, pictured sitting in comfy chairs
wearing cardigans. You can see pixelated video clips of middle-aged
gentlemen sipping a cup of tea. And then there's the personal accounts
that people post up there. "One thing led to another and, well,
we ended up doing a jigsaw puzzle together. It was amazing. She was
obviously really experienced. 'I like to separate all the edges,' she
moaned, 'and then do all the clouds'. "
Advertisers are working hard to appeal to this newly identified
target group. They're going to show Häagen-Dazs ice cream being eaten
from a bowl after dinner. Cadbury's Flake will no longer be pronounced
phall-ake. And at this year's motor show, the new Ferrari will be put
on display with Ann Widdecombe draped across the bonnet.
It is important here to distinguish between asexuality and
celibacy. People who feel sexual urges but decline to act on them are
celibate; people who feel little inclination to have sex are referred
to as asexual; and people who used to have a lot of sex but have now
ceased are called married.
The Aven website explains it in terms of a stereo. "Everyone
has a volume knob and a tuning knob, there are some who have their
volume knob turned right down." Unfortunately most men would find
it hard to follow this mature treatise on sexuality, because they
would still be giggling at the word knob.
Of course, there are other creatures in the animal kingdom that
manage to get by without sexual reproduction. Amoeba teenagers listen
in horror as their parents describe how they never had sex. "And
then mummy's cell divided in two and I was nowhere near."
"Urgh, that's sick, I don't even want to think about it."
"And granny and granddad, they never had sex either."
"Urgh, no, stop it, they must have done!"
Of course, if asexuality is an inherited trait, then as a gene you
would think its future must be pretty bleak. But as a cultural
counterweight to western society's snowballing obsession with sex,
then the advent of assertive asexuality is more than welcome. Say it
loud: you're A and you're proud!
Because our media is at the point of sexual overkill, every
advertisement, T-shirt, TV chatshow and tabloid story seems to be
loaded with sexual innuendo. It might be quite refreshing to get some
spam email offering us knitting patterns and a recipe for biscuits.
But everything these days seems to be preoccupied with sex. I mean
even ornithologists concerned about global warming can't type
"hot chicks in action" into a search engine without one or
two of the sites turning out to be sexual.
Thank goodness there's still a few of us who manage to resist every
chance for a bit of smutty innuendo. We have better things to do with
our column inches. Oh damn, I did that one already.
Source by John O'Farrell, October 15, 2004 - Guardian
Newspapers Limited ©2004
